Category Archives: Fairweather People

Oct6

Deep Thoughts About A Dying Friendship

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Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop

5.) I have no idea where the following message originated from, but it’s been floating around Facebook for the past week…who does it make you think about?

If you are looking for my usual sarcastic sense of humor and cute pictures of Ewoks….today is not your day. This week’s writing prompt has brought up something serious, a topic that hurts my heart just to think about, let alone to write about.

I have this friend…I think…I assume…hell I don’t know. She came into my life when I was very alone and when I needed someone. She was there for me and supported me through a year of turmoil and grief and depression. Then I gave back, because I was grateful for her friendship.

The problem is I have giving back and getting little ever since then. I try and try and try but she always has something better to do, some place more exciting to be.

I have texted to check on her when her FB clearly shows she is in turmoil and never received a response.

I have called, usually getting voicemail and no return call.

I have invited her to every function I have and there is always an excuse as to why she cannot attend. She even skipped my  birthday reducing me to tears when she didn’t bother showing up. Several times she has left a function she actually showed up to claiming illness, only to post pictures with other friends out at a club later the same evening. (Darn that FB and it catching people in lies….)

And if I respond to anything on her FB it seems she answers every other commenter but skips addressing me, even of I ask a direct question.

It’s infuriating….maddening and very very hurtful.

Several times I have tried to cut ties in an effort to save myself the heartache of being rejected by her. I give in every time she needs me and I’m not sure when enough is enough.

She herself posts stuff like the picture above and statuses about fake friends constantly and I feel like this is my hint as a writing prompt.

Maybe I need to let it go….maybe I should grieve this friendship where I obviously care way more for her than she does for me. Maybe by doing this I will have the strength to ignore her the next time she needs me. I really don’t think I can do it anymore.

Every invitation she declines, text message she ignores, phone call she doesn’t make breaks my heart.

This post was inspired by Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop.

Link up! Find the button in the right hand column under Thursday ———>

Sep11

The Give and Take of Friendship

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So it has come to my attention that many have forgotten the rules of friendship.

The give and take, ebb and flow of a true meaningful one.

You can use this little rant to make your friendships stronger, since we all forget from time to time how to show our friends we are thankful they are…well, our friends.

Or you can use it to help you realize that you have some fake ones, selfish ones, just basically ones not worth your time.

~ Always keep your promises and commitments to your friends. Most of the time the people who care go out of their way to do things for you or to include you, backing out last minute or doing something with someone else after you committed (especially when you flaunt all your pictures on fb or twitter) is just rude.

~ Don’t expect tit for tat when helping your friends or giving them gifts. Give to people you care about because it makes them happy, help them because you care and it is the right thing to do. But don’t keep score and don’t throw your help or gifts in their faces when you need something. It’s just tacky and makes people not want to do ANYTHING for you.

~On the same note as above, when someone does go out of their way to throw you a baby shower or a birthday, at least make the time to go to something important of theirs. When someone spends hundred of dollars throwing something kick ass for you, nothing says “screw you!” like you not taking an hour to show up to their birthday party, wedding, baby shower….you get the point!

~ Remain a loyal friend through good and bad. I realize this isn’t possible for everyone most people are friends with, it takes a lot of effort when someone is going through bad times, but this is a must for your closest friends. Disappearing during the bad times and showing up when things are peachy is a sign of a fair-weather friend, not someone you may want to cut of because you like their company and all. But definitely don’t share your secrets with them.

~ You can have a best friend who has a different best friend. And not is the friend triangle jealousy type of way. All I’m saying is don’t assume that the person you consider your best friend considers you their best friend unless they say it themselves. They may be closer to someone else. It isn’t a bad thing, it isn’t a friendship-ender. It just is. I have had many people call me their BFF or bestie when they are far from mine. It doesn’t mean I don’t like them as much as they like me, I just happen to have friends I consider closer.

 

That is all! For now…..

:)

Aug11

Screw You Uppity Ms. Who-dee Who!

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As an adult female I have often been surprised by the dictatorship of local women’s clubs and volunteer organizations. The women leaders are often self-absorbed, snooty and bigger bullies than the ones from playgrounds past. They probably are the ones from playgrounds past honestly.

While reading ‘The Help’ by Kathryn Stockett (I’m only about half way through so don’t worry this isn’t a review), I chuckled through some of the situations where Skeeter is made to feel like she will get ‘kicked’ out of the social circle for her opinions. It was funny because I have often felt the same way.

It is in all actuality awful that I have encountered this where I have. Very often the taglines of places that have been the worst are the ones claiming they are for the advancement of women and girls or a safe place for women to share stories and shoulders to cry on.

There are always cliques in these groups. The mean girls, er,  desperate housewives, I mean women leaders who run the show, making up rules as though go along. They change things without notice and scold you for not just having E.S.P. so you would know. They sweetly threaten kicking you out through clenched teeth and a fake smile. Most of them have been around forever and know how to manipulate those above and below them to get what they want. Everyone talks about what good people they are, helping out, volunteering and make the community a better place. More often they are controlling, rude and selfish people underneath.

I wonder if organizations and clubs realize that often these people drive away some of the better members and volunteers. Several have driven me very close to the edge of quitting, walking away, no matter how much good I did as a whole through the organization.

Why are women catty like that? Why can we not just get along? What is it about someone new to the group that shakes our security?

Mar10

Speechless

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1.) Write about a time a friend left you speechless.
I had a friend, let’s call her Alice, who I was very close to for a short time.   
Alice and I came together at a time of transition in my life.  I had cut ties on some friendships before I met her and was very skeptical about friendships in general (don’t worry I found my ‘Goddesses’ soon after and they renewed my faith in true friendship).  
 She seemed sweet and genuine so I gave it a chance.   
Didn’t take me long to figure out how far Alice had fallen down the rabbit hole, actually in the end she was a lot deeper down than I had thought.   
She left me speechless at the end of our friendship.  When I decided to stand up for myself and my time, I was smacked in the face by a whole friendship worth of things she hated about me.   
Turns out when she was dogging on all her old friends and their ‘faults’ (I use quotations because some things were ridiculous to even dislike about someone), she was also saving up my ‘faults’ to throw in my face.  
 It turned my simple I-really-need-your-help into an all out verbal war.  
 I haven’t talked about it much since because I tend to mourn my losses quietly and Alice won the ribbon in the fairweather friends category.   
Throughout all of my other friendships where things had ended badly (I’m a giver and I get taken advantage of a lot…boo), I have never been treated so badly and I have never been left without much left to say.   I wish I could say more but in the interest of letting sleeping dogs lie, I will leave it at that.   
Let’s just say Alice is stuck in Wonderland with her Mad Hatter and I feel sorry for Snowdrop and Kitty.
Mama’s Losin’ It
This post was written as part of a prompt from Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop.
Jan25

Convictions

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In taking a moment to reflect on recent events, it has come to my attention that on several occasions I was lectured about convictions.  Oddly enough those situations have brought a single thought to mind…People who have to defend and voice their convictions to others are usually the first to crumble when things get hard.  It has been in my experience this is always true.  Everyone who I know that stays true to their convictions, their values and their promises has very little time to talk about it.  We are too busy making sure we are doing the right thing and keeping up with our commitments.
Here is the definition that is in Merriam’s International Dictionary: 1) a strong persuasion or belief; 2) the state of being convinced; and 3) a feeling or awareness of the rightness, truth or certainty of what is thought, spoken or done.
I feel most of my personal interactions deal with people championing the third of the definitions.  Yet, those same individuals rarely do what is right.  They typically give up as soon as conflict or difficulty arises.

What has your experience been?

Jan24

Accountability

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Accountability is in my opinion one of the most important traits a person can have.  Without it you become stuck in a circle of blaming others for things that are your own fault.  I have noticed that the majority of the adults have no accountability for their own actions.  I think it’s a sad state that society today is in.  The working population consists of blame shifters and their scapegoats.  People knowingly take on tasks they are unqualified for or do not have the time to complete then expect others to pick up the slack.  Is a sad circle for those who do their work and are accountable for what they take on.  They become scapegoats and end up taking on more than they agreed to and dutifully finishing tasks regardless of their own needs.  I’ve often fallen victim to this myself.  Friends and colleagues often take advantage of my nature; they know that I am accountable and that I will complete the task with or without them.  I am empathetic to others that have experienced the immaturity of other adults in our society.  These ‘users’ need to learn to say no or not accept task they cannot handle.  Or learn to admit when they are in over their heads.
Are you a ‘doer’ or a ‘user’?
Dec19

What is your happiness?

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I have been thinking lately that it might be hard for me to ever develop a blog following.  Most of the blogs that do well seem to have a purpose, a mission statement.  That is something that I don’t have, won’t have.  I know I am way too random to ever keep to a theme and I hate making promises I can’t keep.
The goal of my blog is to make me happy.  Discussing my life and my kids makes me happy.  Talking about current issues, controversial topics and debates makes me happy.  Even my epiphanies and grammar lessons make me happy.  That is all I care about.
I know that sounds selfish, but it’s not.  I live my entire life with happiness as my goal.  It affects everything and everyone in my life in a positive way.  My definition of happiness includes many things. It means my children are healthy and happy, my hubby loves me and is happy and that all my menagerie are healthy and seem as happy as you can gather from animals.  It means financially we have a little extra and that our bills are paid.  It means we have a roof over our heads, food on our table and clothing to wear.  It means I must have my family and close friends around me and that we all hang out all the time, enjoying the company of each other.  It means so much more than I can explain.  It does not mean I am rich and successful at work or that I can exist within my family and friend units without too much trouble.  I need more than that.
I think many people think they are happy because they don’t define it.  They smile and think, I can deal with everything in my life so that is good enough.  They settle and spout about how happy they are in between all their complaining and negativity.  That is the key right there, every one has bad days, but if over half the things you say are negative then you are not happy.  True happiness begets positivity and vice versa.  
If you have to drown yourself in alcohol, cigarettes, food, gambling, drugs every single day then you are not happy.  To be happy is not to deal with things by avoiding them or numbing yourself to life.  That is not living and that is definitely not happiness.
Happiness is the silence between to people who love each other and don’t feel the need to fill the air with meaningless chit-chat.  Happiness is the smile on your children’s face when they accomplish something.  Happiness is knowing you did the right thing, said the right thing no matter what the consequence.
What is your happiness?
Dec8

When do opinions and judgement separate?

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Everyone should be allowed to voice there opinions of things, ideas, places and people.  Others may not like those opinions but when do they cross the line of becoming judgments? Or do they ever? You hear the phrase ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’ but what would we have people do then?  Anything we show to people is our ‘cover’.  No one is ever sure if we really know someone and at some point you will have to have an opinion of some kind, a judgement of some kind.

So, why have we, as a society, become so defensive about the word ‘judgment’? According to many a judgment requires an action but there rarely is an action when a person is throwing out the retort, ‘Don’t judge me!’ We have simply stated our opinion, usually from the facts given. I know many who jump to conclusions without all the facts, but I am beginning to see patterns in people where they withhold many facts in order to always have the excuse that others are judgmental.
Aug25

Profound Thought #1

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If someone is truly in need and not just seeking attention or making up excuses, they will take you up on your offer to help.

Someone really in need will never turn you down especially when you are close friends or family.

So sorry people, I have got your number, if you don’t want to show up/do something/just talk just say so because when I offer to come help you out, babysit for you or bring you some chicken soup and you say ‘no, I’m good’ then I know you are brushing me off.