I have been reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ over the last few months. It has taken a lot of time because the ‘Eat’ portion was slow. It didn’t quite keep me reading. Not that it wasn’t well-written, it was, but it didn’t speak to me.
I got sucked ‘The Help’ and then ‘Starting From Scratch’ and then ‘The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks’. All of which I really should write reviews on because they are amazing.
Now I am in a lull, still discussing Hunger Games’ and starting to read Water For Elephants. I devoured the entire HG series last year and have been chomping at the bit for the movie.
Anyway, I am sick and in pain, so today I begin to read ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ again. I have ventured into the ‘Pray’ section and I have to say it has been very enthralling.
Gilbert’s candid prose about her experience has me stunned. Everything she says has touched something deep inside me. The passage that struck me was:
“Devotion is diligence without assurance. Faith is a way of saying, “Yes, I pre-accept the terms of the universe and I embrace in advance what I am presently incapable of understanding.”"
What a way to say something that affects any person who has any type of religion?
I”m not sure about the Love section yet, I am going to start that tomorrow. The Pray was a bit much for me, her struggles and experiences are overwhelming.
I would say even if you don’t think this book is something you would read, pick it up and read the Pray section, you won’t regret it.
I find that promoting my businesses and my blog become overwhelming. That’s one of the many reasons my blog has suffered.
One of the top recommendations by the business experts is ‘to be authentic’.
Being authentic takes a lot of work. Responding to people so they know I care even when they don’t spend a dime at my businesses is frustrating.
That is time I could be spending with my kids. Who are the reason I stay home. The reason I so desperately try to run home-based web businesses and freelance.
Also, the examples given of being authentic are usually a crock of crap. I can tell the person is working at being authentic. That’s not authentic.
What’s authentic is I am a busy mom trying to help support my family. I want you to buy my products and use my services because it helps me provide for my children. I DO care about people and my customers.
However, spending 15 hours a day promoting my business and engaging with possible customers doesn’t seem to be authentically getting me towards that goal of being with my kids.
So other bloggers in the blogosphere, I need advice, what do you do that get you readers and real blogger relationships?
Never before would I have slept with the windows open.
I has been a constant fear in my life that someone would creep in through an open window and hurt me. I have suffered through high electricity bills from constant air conditioning or undressed down to my undies while I sweat to death when I have not had the money for air.
Suddenly, this year, that has changed. That fear, in light of all my family has been through in the past year, has been vanquished. I have had my windows open since we got home from Minnesota last week. I haven’t closed them at night.
During the day I have been leaving my back door open so the dogs can run in and out. Even with our privacy fence and locked gate, that has never been an option.
I am not sure what has changed, but I am glad it has! Take that!
I woke up today two days out from having the worst food poisoning ever (not really, I had salmonella last summer) and on day three of a monster migraine that was helped along by the absence of food and water in my body.
Determined to at least get out of my bedroom for awhile, I tore through my medicine cabinet hoping for one leftover pain pill from something done when we had insurance.
You see, my migraine meds were crazy expensive on insurance and without they are $300 for NINE PILLS. Yeah…sucky, right?
So I came across one tiny pain pill leftover and shoved it in my pie-hole hoping it would allow me to get through at least a few hours in the room with our newly acquired Shriek-O-Matic(aka Bubby).
Ok, he is not so newly acquired but his early jump into the terrible twos means he has decided that every word must end in a shriek. Great for parties and migraines alike! Not so much….
Anyway, the pain pill has worked too well, or at least it has some side effects….it has made me incredibly hyper and I have a need to do something…anything!
On to the point of the story (see pain pill rambling….) my eyes have suddenly been able to open and see my home. My poor home as it has been for the past three days that I have been stuck in my bed trying to still my weak tummy and simultaneously cover my head with a pillow to hide from the shrieking monster’s cries.
I have come to a conclusion….”Man” clean is nowhere near “ME” clean. I think my hubby did only what was necessary to keep our home from becoming condemned and keep access to the food for him and my son.
My daughters intelligently escaped to grandma’s house at the first sign of Mommy-sickness. Apparently they do not like “Man” clean even if their room stays in a constant state of “Kid” clean.
“Kid” clean I have come to realize is in between “ME” clean and “Man” clean. It often involves lots of food wrappers and toys but no real threat to our health.
In the state of “Man” clean, the bathroom and kitchen stay fairly (I’m using that term lightly) clean, I assume because they are the two most important rooms to my hubby.
However, everything else gets lumped onto the dining room table and the coat rack in the front room for me to handle when I get better. Let’s just hope I never get ‘for real’ long-term kind of sick or the house might fall down around me!
A lot of sick, tired and stress has sapped my blogging and writing mojo in general.
I have made a commitment to go back to school to better learn to market myself and have that degree behind me.
The rejection of the job market and the constant stress of making ends meet has sucked the life right out of me.
A friend of mine linked to a FB site that has lit a fire inside me and hopefully will renew my optimism: The Face of the 99%
I am hoping that knowing so many people are in similar positions to myself and my family will help me.
We are only holding on because we have so many good people in our lives that help out. Our family members that help don’t even know the amount of rejection and hardship we have faced. My husband and I put on a happy face and make it seem like things are ok.
We try everyday. We hear ‘no’ everyday. We fear losing more everyday. A bit of us dies everyday.
Here is my contribution to The Face of the 99%:
I am a wife.
I am a mother.
I am a student.
I am a volunteer.
I am a hard worker.
I am a good friend.
I am unemployed.
I have worked since the day I could legally work. I have paid many years of taxes and social security. I have paid my bills and helped others pay theirs. I made a choice two years ago to quit my job for my newborn son’s welfare. Paying for his daycare would be too expensive since he was premature. With two other kids, it just seemed to be a better decision to cut our spending so I could stay at home with the kids.
A year later my husband lost his job. He did not qualify for unemployment. He put in hundreds of applications and sent out his resume but he could not find anything. We took a chance on a lifetime dream of his and took out our retirement to have as savings. As the economy got worse and the government came out with new laws on that industry, our savings melted away and we were left with nothing.
After over a year of barely paying bills, almost losing our house and constantly looking for work we finally broke down and applied for Medicaid and food stamps. It was not an easy decision but we needed help and after a combined 35 years of paying into the system, I think we have paid for the assistance we get now.
I have put in over 65 applications in the past six months at places that tell me I am over-qualified because of my experience, sent out my resume to 40 different companies for jobs similar to the one I held before. I have not received one offer.
My husband has sent out almost 250 resumes in two years for jobs like the one he had, even ones with an hour or two commute, along with over 50 applications in the past six months to places he is apparently over-qualified to work. He has had one job offer. For a position with an 80 mile roundtrip commute, at minimum wage for 4 hours, 5 days a week. Unfortunately, we crunched the numbers and the paycheck would barely pay for gas to get there and back.
I am not a freeloader.
I am not uneducated.
I am no longer going to keep quiet.
I AM the 99% and my voice counts!
Ten Things Tuesday
1. ‘Wow, your house is a mess! So unlike you!’ – this makes me stabby, and you all know my particular brand of crazy, sooo……
2. Have you tried x-y-z to make yourself better? – I’m 30 years old, I know what does and does not work for me…so I doubt I will purchase the $13 pack of zinc lozenges that cured your cold in 72 minutes, quit hassling me about it.
3. Have you given your kids cough meds/tylenol/expectorant to make them better? – I have 3 of those little monsters, one of which I have had for eight whole years! Amazingly enough, I have given them the proper meds for their illness, they do have a cool mist humidifier in their room and I do know what I am doing. Getting stabby again already! LOL
4. Do you think you guys will be well again to go to ‘The huge spectacular event of mine’ in two days? – No, I don’t. Even if we were, I don’t feel like jumping immediately back into social obligations with still weak immune systems thanks.
5. Must be nice to work from home and be with your kids when they are sick. – No it’s not, they are mean little monsters when they are sick. And I can’t escape the germs, that is why I am so sick too!
6. Don’t you love it when they are all sweet and cuddly when they are sick? – Did I mention my kids get mean? Getting cuddled with is nice but I prefer sleepy not sick cuddles, I tend to dislike get sneezed-hacked-thrown up on. Plus I am sick myself and I am a do-not-invade-my-germ-infested-bubble sick person.
7. At least your hubby works from home and can help out. – Ha! That is all I have to say about that, he sleeps a lot when we are sick, my kids get their sick unpleasantness from me.
8. I know how you feel! (especially when you don’t have kids yourself) – You know nothing.
9. You look like crap! – Thank you for that. After an entire week of holding sick children through the night when I should be sleeping to get myself to get better does make me less than rock-star-ish, I’m glad for the reminder. Now where’s my knife so I can cut you?
10. Did you know your kid’s nose is all snotty? – Yes, yes I do…and I have given up the fight with it. After seven days of chasing a toddler around with a snotty nose and wiping every five minutes I surrender. The snot wins!
Check out next week on Ten Things Tuesday!
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Princess: What if I ever want one of my teeth back?
Me: Mommies and Daddies can ask for a few teeth back from the Tooth Fairy for memories.
Princess: Can you ask for one of mine back?
Me: I already have. I have the first tooth you lost. I have your sisters too.
Beans: You have my first lost tooth? Can I see it?
Me: It’s bedtime.
Beans: Tomorrow then.
Me: Ok, tomorrow. (Don’t worry I have all their teeth so no panicking, lol)
Princess: I wonder what the Tooth Fairy does with all those teeth?
Beans: Yeah Mom, what does she need teeth for? Weird!
Me: Ummmmm…..I’m not sure, I never asked her.
Beans: I think I know.
Beans: Yeah, she collects teeth from so many kids because she loves teeth. She uses them to build and entire hugely huge castle. It has teeth walls and teeth ceilings, teeth doors and her bed is made of teeth. All shiny and white. And then she has special teeth, the really interesting looking ones. Those she keeps in cases lined up along the wall and she lays on the floor looking at them because they are so beautiful.
Beans: Some kids’ parents let them go visit the castle and she gives tours. I LOVE TEETH!
Princess: Oh Momma, can we visit the Tooth Fairy castle tomorrow night?
Me: Um, no. We…..
Beans: We need reservations, duh. Good night!
Princess: Good Night.
Me: What just happened here?